2021 is closing and to be honest I didn’t initially give much thought to it since it’s basically just some calendar year ending. But come to think of it, 2021 has given me 365 days of highs and lows which are full of challenges yet also a lot to be grateful of, thus I think this is a year worth looking back into.
I started the year being technically unemployed with questionable outcome in regard to my employment after going on a short-term contract. Having gone through constant job seeking, the process was getting dreadful and tiring. I managed to get a full-time employment which was a sigh of relief. Despite being relieved for having a secured income, I still sometimes dread working. Since my main motivation of accepting a job here is to earn a living and out of the confusion as where do I want to work, the intense nature of the job results to an unenjoyable process especially at my first project where the timeline was so tight I remember I had to put my car speaker on my internal team discussion while I was going out on the weekend. It was embarrassing. Having struggled through work, I fare no better with relationships either. Conflicts was unavoidable and communication was grim until it was just too much to handle.
Going into mid-year, I manage to get a project which wasn’t so time consuming but I failed to earn any single learnings from it. There was just too much side works but all of them in my opinion has no purpose nor meaning that made it so unfulfilling. Again, I had no motivation into work whatsoever and everyday I wish I can change project (or even job). Mid-year also means the end of my probation review and it was a challenge itself because I failed the final test and had to go through it twice. The worst feeling of being kicked out like this was not being scolded by your boss (in fact, my boss responded rather calmly). Instead, the worst part for me is having the image in your head that you’re just downright unsuited. After several review from peers and mentors which I was instructed to do, I managed to pass my probation.
My state was also made worse due to the outbreak in the ‘delta’ variant. Luckily, I had no close relatives which caught the virus but seeing the condition outside was just heartbreaking. Hearing ambulance sirens going back and forth the neighbourhood, watching my friends having to endure grief and pain from losing their loved ones to even losing a friend of mine really put me in a state of distraught. The feeling of powerlessness where I could only watch the news didn’t make things better either. I thank God that this did not go on for to long.
As the year was ending, I was involved with what I believed as one of the most dynamic project to date. The job was easy but conditions made it hard. For starters, my senior had to resign and I was working with a newcomer. In addition, the client’s demands are so high but ironically the amount of support was not on par. At the peak of this project, I would spend less than four hours of sleep daily for a week to the point I had to stay overnight at the office, it was unpleasant.
2021 has given me a lot of struggles which truly made me rethink about my career aspirations and life plans both in the short and long run. Most of the time I truly felt that I can only be defined by my job due to having little things to do outside of work. This also radiates further into missing the deadline on post-graduate applications, somehow getting rather detached from my social affairs outside of work, and lacking the free time to do the activities I enjoy doing. But in spite of that, a lot of positives had also happened during the past year.
Despite being short on free time, I still manage to indulge myself in new activities where I took on bouldering and snorkeling. Bouldering was a truly new and unique experience for me because I felt that my all my muscles and endurance are put to the test to the point that the soreness afterwards stayed for a couple of days. Snorkeling was also quite an achievement for me since I can gather the bravery to do it without a life jacket (nearly drowned when little so water activities was something I sometimes fear of doing). 2021 also gave me several things to be grateful of with one of the most notable being getting promoted at work. After going through all the hardships with finding work, getting laid-off, working part-time with no uncertainties, and nearly flunking my probation, getting my first ever promotion felt special because for once in my professional career after my graduation I felt that I am quite good enough at something. Last, having the time to spend fun and enjoyable moments with the ones I cherish in the middle of all the chaos from work was also something to be hugely grateful of because as dumb and probably boring as it would be, spending time with those you feel close with will always give a boost in morale.
As the book of 2021 is closing, I am grateful for everything that occurred during the last 365 days because as difficult as the challenges that life brought me, I still managed to progress in life and grow as a person. I would like to deeply thank those who had supported me and kept my head up during 2021; God, families, companions, and friends because their presence and encouragement really helped me especially during my lowest moments.
With 2022 just around the corner, I genuinely look forward to good things happening next year. First, I certainly hope that we can bring an end to this pandemic so life can really go back to normal again. I also look forward to having new doors are opening up for me to fulfill my career dreams. Lastly, I wish to gain better connection with those around me.
To end this chapter, I wish everyone Happy New Year, may things get better in 2022 for all of us to bounce back and we can bring the better in us at this new year.